Oh, kids! They’re so darned cute. Especially when they say the most precocious, adorable little things. Like commenting about my looks! That really never fails to warm my heart. Also, it never fails to get me to passive-aggressively “forget” to buy Goldfish at the supermarket.
Here are the 10 “cutest” comments to come out of my angels’ rosebud lips recently.
1. “Mommy can’t nurse anymore because her breasts aren’t big enough.”
Au contraire, I can’t nurse anymore because I weaned your 17-month-old brother last year, and leave me alone. You’re 4, so they’re certainly bigger than yours.
2. “Why does your nose look red?”
Because I have a cold that I probably got when you rubbed your snot against my face in the tub. And I thought I did a bang-up makeup job ’til you said that, too.
3. “Your room looks disgust.”
If you’re so smart, riddle me this: why would I bother to make my bed when all you guys do is jump all over it five times a day? Also, the word is disgustING.
4. “What does it smell like in here?”
Dinner, so turn that frown upside-down. It’s a new recipe called “not chicken or pasta,” so get ready to expand your culinary horizons.
5. “You packed me a bad lunch.”
Thanks, from now on I’ll give you candy and chips just because you’re so delightful.
6. “You looked prettier in your wedding picture than you do now.”
And you looked cuter when you were sleeping than when you just said that.
7. “I like Daddy better than you.”
Awesome, guess who’s wiping you from now on?
8. “You should volunteer at my class more like the other moms.”
I came twice already and sometime in this new year, I think we’ll be due for another one. But I might have a “dentist’s appointment” this year, especially if that kid who kept interrupting my guest reading is still in your class.
9. “Why is your hair two colors?”
One is my natural color and then one is the gray that you gave me when you started talking.
10. “You’re not as nice as Madison’s mom.”
Well, then, when Daddy isn’t around, perhaps she’ll be wiping your butt for you.