18 Excuses Only a Threenager Would Use

Image Source: Chaunie Brusie/ j&j Photography
Image Source: Chaunie Brusie/ j&j Photography

Every parent on the planet who’s had the privilege of living with children, knows that the old adage of the “terrible twos” is really just the pre-game to the real party of raising little people past the toddler stage. Because the real challenge comes with “threenagers” — those delightfully spunky youngsters who have just enough intelligence to know what they want, to push your buttons, and to ultimately, make no sense at all.

But that doesn’t really stop them from simultaneously making us pull out our hair in daily frustration and having to duck behind a closet door to stifle our laughs when they throw down a few of the best excuses in the book, such as …

1. The Tech Savvy

“Mom, I’m fluster-ated”

“Why are you frustrated?”

“Because I don’t have a TV in my room.” — Theresa Marie and her son, Jacob

2. The Unsolved Mystery

“Mom, I’m so sorry. A ghost just broke your sunglasses.”

3. The Sneaky Sister

“I once asked Ryley why he peed his pants. He explained, very seriously, that he didn’t pee his pants, that [his sister] Aubrey had peed his pants. Figure that one out.” — Megan Bishop and her son, Ryley

4. The Squeaky Clean Excuse

“Mom, I don’t need a bath. I took one last year.” — My son, Jacob, 3, last night

5. The Master Planner

“While trying to get my 4-year-old to write his letters, he tells me that we don’t need to work on them because ‘they need to have something to teach me when I start school.'” — Rhonda Abbot

6. The Religious Experience

“Mom, I can’t be sorry for not listening. Jesus is still working on my good girl.” — Danielle E.

7. The Truth Teller

My niece told her mom that she couldn’t pick up her toys because she’s ‘just too lazy.’
” – Christina Lynne

8. The Out-Of-His-Control

Mom: “Please stop kicking the back of my seat.”

‪Son: “I can’t. There’s a robot controlling my legs.” — Kim Statler

9. The Vacationer

Mom: “Leah, where are your manners?!”

Daughter: “They are on vacation.” — Anonymous

10. The Train Conductor

“My daughter Savannah was playing trains but needed a stinky diaper change, and she told me, ‘No! That’s the train’s coal!’ — Leah Outten @The Grace Bond 

11. A Minor Malfunction

‪ “My two-year-old Benjamin: ‘My listening ears are not turned on.'” — Nicole Brabant

12. A Wardrobe Dilemma

“My daughter really wanted to wear a dress one day, and I was making her wear pants. She told me she didn’t want to wear pants because they ‘didn’t match her ears.’ Only her dress did!” — Lauren

13. A Stressful Time

“My son tried to postpone his chores once and claimed he had to go to the bathroom. His reason? His butt was ‘sooooo stressed.'”— Anonymous

14. The Smooth Talker

I asked my son to apologize to his sister for hitting her and his reply? “Mom, I just can’t say sorry because my mouth is not sorry.”

15. The Outraged Toddler

Judah: “Did you just flush the toilet?”

Me: “Yeah, why?”

Judah: “That was MY poop. Not YOUR poop. Did you poop?! NO!”

Judah: “Hurry hurry hurry I have to peeeeeeeee!”

Me: “I’m coming to help you! Hang on.”

Judah: “If you would have come sooner I wouldn’t have peed a little in my pants!”

Me: “So this is my fault?”

Judah: “YES.”

Judah: “I just tooted and it came out of my mouth.”

Me: “That would be a burp.”

Judah: “No it was a toot. In my mouth.”

— Brittany Vail of The Lily Field

16. Houston, We Have a Problem

I took all four of my kids in for haircuts (mistake), and the helpful salon owner gave the kiddos some crayons (mistake), so when I caught my three-year-old son, Jake, systematically breaking them in half (big mistake), the following conversation went down:

Me: “Jake, you’re going to have to say sorry for what you did, bud, that wasn’t very nice.”

Jake: “But Mom, we have a problem.”

Me: “What’s the problem, Jake?”

Jake: “Mom, the problem is, I broke my leg, so I can’t say sorry. That’s what the problem is.”

17. The Master of Justification

“Mom, you can kiss babies’ butts if them don’t have poop on them, because them are really cute.”

18. This Mother Theresa

“After I caught my daughter with a stash of fruit snacks in her backpack at church  … ”

Julia: “Don’t worry Mom … these are just in case Jesus gets hungry.”

Julia: “Can we go to the store today to buy some pears?”

Me: “No, Bash is still sick, I’m sorry.”

Julia: “Well, I have a great idea.”


Julia: “He can just frow up in his hands.”


Julia: ” … and then put it in his pockets and no one will see.”

“After I found my son, Sebastian laying on the ground with Julia standing over him with a random assortment of toys in a pile next to them …”

Me: “What are you two doing?”

Julia: “Oh! Just giving Sebastian a C-section.”*

— Grace Patton of Camp Patton

*Author’s note: it should be said that Julia’s father is an OB/GYN in training.

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Article Posted 4 years Ago

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