Toddler Taxes

Taxes As tax day approaches, I’m sure many of you are scrambling to get your tax documents in order.

Maybe you’ve been saving your receipts in a shoebox all year. Or, if you’re like my husband, you’ve meticulously scanned and sorted them individually by category, date, and amount, then filed them on the computer to be backed up monthly.

Just kidding. Well, mostly.

Anyway, now that tax season is upon us I’ve been considering how nice it would be if the parents of toddlers were given special deductions, to, you know, offset some of our pain and suffering.

Wouldn’t it be great if we were granted some kind of special toddler taxes? Now I’m no accountant, but I have some ideas for boosting the parental economy. Let’s all call our congresspeople and suggest the following ideas:

  • Terrible Twos Clause 1 of 8
    Terrible Twos Clause
    During the tax year that your child is two, you'd be eligible for compensation related to injuries incurred, gray hairs grown, and sleepless nights due to the switch to the toddler bed.
    Photo Credit: StarMama/Flickr
  • The Three Under Four Credit 2 of 8
    The Three Under Four Credit
    Enough said.
    Photo Credit My Reflection of Something
  • The Potty Training Percentage 3 of 8
    The Potty Training Percentage
    Parents of potty-training toddlers will submit time sheets documenting the percent of their days spent sitting on the bathroom floor while their child attempts to make pee pee and will be remunerated accordingly.
    Photo Credit: Jaaron /Flickr
  • Tantrum Compensation 4 of 8
    Tantrum Compensation
    Reparations will be made to parents of toddlers for up to 6 tantrums per annum, including but not limited to: supermarket throw downs, epic refusals to nap, and Halloween candy-induced hysteria.
  • Organic Benefit 5 of 8
    Organic Benefit
    Parents spending more than 15% of their incomes on organic or locally grown grocery items will be eligible for this tax benefit.
    Photo Credit: Auggie.Wren /Flickr
  • The Caillou Clause 6 of 8
    The Caillou Clause
    Toddler parents who suffer through episode after episode of the whiniest Canadian ever to wear primary colors will be compensated through the Caillou Clause. Details are still being negotiated but it will involve your choice of spa treatments.
    Photo Credit: Dennis Wong /Flickr
  • iPhone/iPad/iWantMyStuff Back Credit 7 of 8
    iPhone/iPad/iWantMyStuff Back Credit
    When you have a toddler you might as well resign yourself to the fact that your iPhone will forever be a Thomas the Tank Engine App delivery mechanism.
    Photo Credit: Jenny Downing /Flickr
  • Free Wine 8 of 8
    Free Wine
    I'm just putting that out there.
    Photo Credit: Paul Simpson /Flickr

What are your fantasy tax credits? Leave ’em in the comments!

Top Photo Credit: John Morgan/Flickr

Mary Lauren Weimer is a social worker turned mother turned writer. Her blog, My 3 Little Birds, encourages moms to put down the baby books for a moment and tell their own stories. Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

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